|Lyndsey and I|
|Look at these three beautiful fairy princesses!|
|Lyndsey and Michael|
|Lyndsey and her girls enjoying the "snow" at a showing of Frozen|
|One of my all-time favorite photos|
Halloween - the Despicable Me girls
|Me and Lyndsey's three girls|
You see I think I fell into the trap of the social norm for reactions to an event such as a miscarriage. Society treats it with dismissal, like little more than a pulled tooth, so I found myself with preconceived ideas and paradigms for a situation I have never actually experienced. She shared with me that the entire event was handled so dismissively from the beginning that it ripped her apart. She went from celebrating at seeing her baby on a sonogram monitor to the medical personnel saying very coldly " The baby is dead, so we need to get you scheduled for a D&C." Suddenly, in a matter of seconds, Lyndsey went from a new expectant mommy to a statistic, a simple number on a page and stack of forms to fill out. To add deep insult to injury, the hospital paperwork had various papers for her to sign, all of which included the terminology "abortion." She said it was like a slap in the face; as though she didn't so desperately want this baby. That terminology is how hospitals bill insurance and therefore for months later, she still received papers in the mail that still said "abortion" in regards to the death, the very unwanted death, of her little boy. The idea that something she was grieving so deeply could be viewed as something with a connotation (despite the medical term definition) that it was a chosen death, was almost unbearable to her.
Now I am not going to go on a long rant regarding abortion, but I will say that the views of our country regarding the idea that abortion is not an act of killing a human baby has designed a pattern of thinking that even those who are against abortion have unintentionally embraced. In order for us to mourn the loss of a baby that is miscarried, we have to admit it is a human life that died. This is a dilemma for those who support abortion, and therefore it is almost impossible for an abortion supporter then to empathize with a mom who miscarries a baby because it would contradict their stance on abortion. The dismissal of the pain and grief at a loss of a child due to miscarriage is in direct relation to the societal beliefs and stance on this issue in my opinion.
Regardless of why there is a dismissive attitude in our society, I refuse to continue to absentmindedly follow suit; I refuse to dismiss my sister's pain in this loss or anyone else's for that matter. It is real. She struggles with the loss and longs for the day when she sees her sweet babies face-to-face in heaven. As a believer and a sister-in-Christ to countless more than just Lyndsey, I will intentionally do my part to encourage and support other women less like the worldview and more like Christ. I want to be a Philipians 4 woman. May others see my gentleness, and may I dwell on things that will further His kingdom.
Philipians 4: 5-9
" Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.6Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition withthanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise — dwell on these things. 9Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you."
I also hope to be a better sister, friend, and confidante for other women in dark times. As I stated earlier, these situastions are not "okay" and should not be dismissed as so, but what I have yet to say is this: God will make something good out of it, someday, somehow, you will realize it.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
One thing you must remember (and my sister reminded me of) is that when we are struggling with the things that happen to us we must know that God did not "do this to us" but He did allow it to happen. It may not be for us in this time to always know why, but He sees the beginning and the end. (not just our beginning and end but the actual beginning and end!) Lyndsey also reminded me of the limitations of our God. Have you ever thought about all the things that God cannot do and still be the God of our faith? Stay with me for just a second before you think I have lost my Christian mind. God is all powerful and could choose to do anything He wished, however, to be the Holy God of our faith, He has limitations that He will not change or cross or He would not be the Holy God of our faith. I guess technically you could say that God can do these things, but He chooses not to, but in my mind, if He did them, then He would not be God. It seems like I am repeating myself, so I'll just say, this is not a comment to diminish His power or authority, just one to speak to his personality and who God is.
Our God cannot break a promise, and goodness does He have a bunch to fulfill.
Psalm 89:34, TLB. "No, I will not break my covenant; I will not take back one word of what I said."
Our God cannot lie to us, for He is a God of Truth.
A faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time (Titus 1:2).
Our God cannot take away our free will and therefore cannot take away the consequences of a sinful world. This means we will incur times that are a result of the fallen world we live in and either by our choice or not by choice of our own, have consequences of sin that adversely affects our lives. However, Jesus did take away the ultimate price of our sins, so even if we must deal with temporal consequences, we can have an eternal home with our savior in Heaven.
There will be tough times and sometimes the things God "cannot" or sometimes the things He chooses not to do allow those tough times. Some of them are heartbreaking for us and you can be sure that when we hurt, He hurts for us. God is good, has a plan for what is best for us, and will work the tough things to be good for us. In all things, we have the assurance that God loves us fiercely.
I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.”